The student news site of North Forsyth High School

The Raider Wire

Dr. James Krumm Opens Senioritis Clinic to Fight Tragic Disease

Dr. James Krumm Opens Senioritis Clinic to Fight Tragic Disease

Morgan Champion, Poetry Editor
May 15, 2017 • 125 views
Filed under Features, Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

Throughout history, high school seniors have been deemed as lazy slackers who, after a grueling four years, don’t seem to care about their education and are merely awaiting the day when they march across a stage and receive their diplomas. This mindset, known creatively as “senioritis,” affects...

Trump Declares Papa John’s ‘Fake Pizza’

Trump Declares Papa John’s ‘Fake Pizza’

Daniel Snodgrass, Staff Writer
April 19, 2017 • 217 views
Filed under Features, Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

After failing to receive his order of pizza within 30 minutes of ordering, President Trump slammed the pizza giant Papa John’s on his twitter page, declaring their pizza ‘fake pizza’. A few minutes following his initial declaration, Trump again took to his twitter denouncing Domino’s Pizza as...

Mount Rushmore Elected President

Mount Rushmore Elected President

Jack Scott, Staff Writer
January 5, 2017 • 346 views
Filed under Features, Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

In a surprise electoral upset, the American electorate seemingly became confused on Nov. 8 and voted en masse for Mount Rushmore. The mountain beat Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump by a large margin, winning 296 electoral votes to Trump’s 170 and Clinton’s 72. Rushmore did especially well in South...

Anti-Trump Protests Work, Hillary Now President-Elect

Anti-Trump Protests Work, Hillary Now President-Elect

Daniel Snodgrass, Staff Writer
November 15, 2016 • 296 views
Filed under Features, Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

In light of the numerous anti-Trump protests across America, both the Senate and the House of Representatives have unanimously voted to ignore the results of the recent election and make Hillary Clinton the new president –elect of the United States. When Donald Trump was voted the president-elect...

A list of pros and cons about the pros and cons of making a list

A list of pros and cons about the pros and cons of making a list

Rachel Lee, Staff Writer
November 2, 2016 • 450 views
Filed under Features, Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

Pros Keeps you organized. Helps you get all your thoughts down in one place. An excuse to procrastinate… Mom: Why aren’t you doing your homework, son?? Son: I am making a list of all my homework, mother. Mom: Okay, honey. Have fun! *Skips away* Can check things off a...

Freshman Causes Widespread Despair with Geographic Cluelessness

Freshman Causes Widespread Despair with Geographic Cluelessness

Jack Scott, Staff Writer
October 14, 2016 • 247 views
Filed under Features, Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

In a stunning display of ignorance, Jay Marois, a freshman in AP Human Geography class, pointed at the small northern European country of Denmark on Friday when asked to locate China on a map. “I just can’t believe it,” said a shocked and appalled onlooker who asked to remain anonymous. “Like,...

Dental Hygiene Freedom Controversy Bites North

Dental Hygiene Freedom Controversy Bites North

Daniel Snodgrass, Staff Writer
October 14, 2016 • 254 views
Filed under Features, Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

Parents are in an uproar over the newest addition to the North Forsyth High School staff, school dentist Dr. Amanda Spear, after Spear inquired multiple groups of students about their habits concerning the practice of brushing and flossing their teeth on a daily basis. Spear had been interrogating the...

Construction on Underground Nuclear Reactor Experiencing Delays

Construction on Underground Nuclear Reactor Experiencing Delays

Jack Scott, Staff Writer
September 16, 2016 • 335 views
Filed under Editor's Picks, Features, Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

Construction on the pool underneath the newest gym is wrapping up on schedule and Barton Malow is preparing to open it up to the public after fall break. However, not all is well in the world of North Forsyth construction. Continued delays and mismanagement have set back progress on the underground nuclear...

Disaster Plagues World Due to Starbucks Holiday Cups

Disaster Plagues World Due to Starbucks Holiday Cups

Matthew McFadden, Staff Writer
January 14, 2016 • 470 views
Filed under Features, Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

For the past month, the world has seen disaster strike every country imaginable.  Citizens of the world live in fear of when the next catastrophe will hit their country, their city, or their home.  In the span of five weeks, monsoons have flooded Cambodia, Madagascar has floated away from Africa and...

Megalodon Sighted at North Forsyth

Megalodon Sighted at North Forsyth

Owen Wickman, Staff Writer
December 10, 2015 • 436 views
Filed under Features, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

Torrential rains in Forsyth County over the past few weeks have certainly dampened shoes, attitudes, and the backpacks of anyone trying to walk outside between classes, but few people are aware of the menace these rains have created. Massive lakes have begun forming around North Forsyth High School,...

Barack Obama Announces 2016 Campaign Run

Barack Obama Announces 2016 Campaign Run

Jack Scott, Staff Writer
September 21, 2015 • 510 views
Filed under Features, Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

President Barack Obama announced on September 18th that he will be running for another term as president in 2016. During a 2 hour long speech, President Obama declared “I am officially in the race, not as a Democrat, but as an Independent. For eight years, I have been constrained and defined by my part...

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