The Raider Wire

For more information or to book an appointment, visit www.thesenioritisclinic.gov or call 1-800-SENIORITIS.

Dr. James Krumm Opens Senioritis Clinic to Fight Tragic Disease

Morgan Champion, Poetry Editor May 15, 2017

Throughout history, high school seniors have been deemed as lazy slackers who, after a grueling four years, don’t seem to care about their education and are merely awaiting the day when they march across...

Trump slammed the pizza giant in a tweet.

Trump Declares Papa John’s ‘Fake Pizza’

Daniel Snodgrass, Staff Writer April 19, 2017

After failing to receive his order of pizza within 30 minutes of ordering, President Trump slammed the pizza giant Papa John’s on his twitter page, declaring their pizza ‘fake pizza’. A few minutes...

Mount Rushmore Elected President

Mount Rushmore Elected President

Jack Scott, Staff Writer January 5, 2017

In a surprise electoral upset, the American electorate seemingly became confused on Nov. 8 and voted en masse for Mount Rushmore. The mountain beat Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump by a large margin, winning...

“It was an injustice that so many Americans would vote for him,” said one woman who refused to give her name, “I’m just happy it all worked out in the end.”

Anti-Trump Protests Work, Hillary Now President-Elect

Daniel Snodgrass, Staff Writer November 15, 2016

In light of the numerous anti-Trump protests across America, both the Senate and the House of Representatives have unanimously voted to ignore the results of the recent election and make Hillary Clinton...

According to this list, the pros of making lists far outweigh the cons. In conclusion, lists make the world go round.

A list of pros and cons about the pros and cons of making a list

Rachel Lee, Staff Writer November 2, 2016

Pros Keeps you organized. Helps you get all your thoughts down in one place. An excuse to procrastinate… Mom: Why aren’t you doing your homework, son?? Son: I am making a list of...

The exasperated groaning sounds were reportedly heard as far away as the 200 hallway. “I heard the students’ cries while in biology,” said Sophia Pereira, a freshman who was in the 200 hallway during the AP Human Geography class incident. “That must be a good fifty yards between the bio class and the pods, right? And there are the brick walls, too. The AP Human students must have been very irritated.”

Freshman Causes Widespread Despair with Geographic Cluelessness

Jack Scott, Staff Writer October 14, 2016

In a stunning display of ignorance, Jay Marois, a freshman in AP Human Geography class, pointed at the small northern European country of Denmark on Friday when asked to locate China on a map. “I just...

“This is an outrage...my son should be able to walk the halls of his school without having to worry about those [dental practitioners] shining a light on his dental hygiene,” says one middle-aged mother.

Dental Hygiene Freedom Controversy Bites North

Daniel Snodgrass, Staff Writer October 14, 2016

Parents are in an uproar over the newest addition to the North Forsyth High School staff, school dentist Dr. Amanda Spear, after Spear inquired multiple groups of students about their habits concerning...

When the nuclear reactor comes online, vents like the one shown above will emit thick, scalding steam which will cover North Forsyth in a foggy cloud visible for miles around. Because of possible health dangers, Barton Malow put out a statement on Wednesday advising students to do their class transitions inside.

Construction on Underground Nuclear Reactor Experiencing Delays

Jack Scott, Staff Writer September 16, 2016

Construction on the pool underneath the newest gym is wrapping up on schedule and Barton Malow is preparing to open it up to the public after fall break. However, not all is well in the world of North...

As we enter into the holiday season, many blame Starbucks’ red cups for the recent widespread demolition of our planet.

Disaster Plagues World Due to Starbucks Holiday Cups

Matthew McFadden, Staff Writer January 14, 2016

For the past month, the world has seen disaster strike every country imaginable.  Citizens of the world live in fear of when the next catastrophe will hit their country, their city, or their home.  In...

Lake Megalodon may have appeared to have shrunk is size, but do not be fooled. The lake is bottomless and contains a deadly prehistoric creature. “Yee. That thing will tear out ya innards through ya bum hole,” says local fisherman Horace Greely, inspecting his broken rod.

Megalodon Sighted at North Forsyth

Owen Wickman, Staff Writer December 10, 2015

Torrential rains in Forsyth County over the past few weeks have certainly dampened shoes, attitudes, and the backpacks of anyone trying to walk outside between classes, but few people are aware of the...

How could they do this to us? It is all a conspiracy—they set us up. All of the changes, while good in the long run, are actually wicked in the short run. Six specific changes can be deciphered as evil from the construction.

6 Evil Changes of the Construction

Daniel Snodgrass, Staff Writer October 22, 2015

Several controversial candidates have their eyes on the Oval Office in the 2016 election cycle. The list includes Bernie Sanders, Donald Trump, and now Barack Obama. Sanders and Trump both dominate discussion about their respective parties during the 2016 presidential election.

Barack Obama Announces 2016 Campaign Run

Jack Scott, Staff Writer September 21, 2015

President Barack Obama announced on September 18th that he will be running for another term as president in 2016. During a 2 hour long speech, President Obama declared “I am officially in the race, not...

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