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(RAIDER FLATLINE) Illuminati Conspiracy Discovered at North Forsyth

(RAIDER FLATLINE) Illuminati Conspiracy Discovered at North Forsyth

Owen Wickman, Staff Writer
November 4, 2014 • 7,574 views
Filed under Editor's Picks, Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

After spending over a year at North Forsyth High School, I had come to the conclusion the school was ordinary. Students in this education facility act as typically as any other high school I have come into contact with, and so I made the archetypical mistake that most modern citizens made: There is nothing...

Friday Lynx: Space Edition

Friday Lynx: Space Edition

Owen Wickman, Staff Writer
May 19, 2014 • 2,829 views
Filed under Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

Listening to a lynx’s mew is like have liquefied pancakes poured over your tongue; you expect it to be smooth and delicious, but the fluid will most likely burn your skin off. A lynx should sound like a majestic angel, but in reality, it sounds like a demonic beast being thrown into a pit. Just like the...

Friday Lynx: Recent Studies Show…

Friday Lynx: Recent Studies Show…

Owen Wickman, Staff Writer
May 16, 2014 • 1,810 views
Filed under Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

In a recent study published in The American Journal of Criminal Psychology has revealed that almost every serial killer in American history was at one point denied the purchase of a new toy when they were young. This startling new information about origins of serial killers may prompt a push for large ...

How to Take Over a Country

How to Take Over a Country

Jack Scott, Staff Writer
May 15, 2014 • 3,390 views
Filed under Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

  There is only one type of person who would take time out of his or her day to find out how to take over a country, and that person is an aspiring dictator. Nobody who wants to take over a country wants to have a democracy. Who in their right mind would go through all that hard work staging...

Teen Girl Magazine Parody

Teen Girl Magazine Parody

Emma Franklin, News Editor
February 25, 2014 • 1,152 views
Filed under Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

Hey ladies, Even though you are perfect just the way you are, you are doing everything wrong, and your life is a mess. Here are some helpful tips from our assembly of non-experts on everything from weight loss and workout tips to boys. Losing weight is hard but here are some things to keep the...

The Morally Ambiguous Chronicle of Billy Cheesecakes

The Morally Ambiguous Chronicle of Billy Cheesecakes

Jack Scott, Staff Writer
January 24, 2014 • 7,803 views
Filed under Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

The knights of Mordor Great Candyland were valiant slaughterers, addicted to the concept of death grand and noble men, who fought bravely for Mordor Candyland. They rode their demonhounds rainbow-barfing unicorns into combat, deathly pitchfork friendship lance in hand. They were prepared to do anything to defend thei...

Citizen Contributes Observations on the Weather

Citizen Contributes Observations on the Weather

Brandon Moss, Sports Editor
January 16, 2014 • 503 views
Filed under Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

Recently, on Fox News Channel, political rants ceased for an hour long report on the weather, where Rea Pete, a young woman in Georgia, gave us some insightful observations. “Yeah it’s definitely colder than last year,” Rea told us. “I mean, it’s really cold.” There have been report...

(FLATLINE) Students Rejoice as Mid-terms Near

(FLATLINE) Students Rejoice as Mid-terms Near

Brandon Moss, Sports Editor
December 13, 2013 • 622 views
Filed under Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

In a recent survey, 99.97 percent of students at North Forsyth High School are “absolutely overjoyed” to face the majestic beauty of mid-terms before the break. This entire semester, all students could think of was how excited they were to sit down in a room for hours and remember all that they have...

(FLATLINE) The Hobbit 2: An Unnecessary Journey

(FLATLINE) The Hobbit 2: An Unnecessary Journey

Brandon Moss, Sports Editor
December 12, 2013 • 2,746 views
Filed under Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

Fans that saw The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey will love its new sequel, The Hobbit 2: An Unnecessary Journey, coming to theatres tomorrow. One fan tells the Flatline, “I loved all the walking and landscape shots from the first movie. I couldn’t go to the bathroom because I’d miss that one step...

Interview with Myself: Music

Interview with Myself: Music

Brandon Moss, Sports Editor
November 19, 2013 • 554 views
Filed under Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

“Good morning, Brandon. You are looking great today.”   “You are too kind. You’re not so bad yourself!”   “Thank you. But let us not waste moments flattering ourselves. It’s time to get down to business. What are your thoughts on today’s music?”   “Well, music for me ...

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The Raider Flatline (North’s Satirical News)