When one thinks of Thanksgiving, the image that usually comes to mind is a table filled with traditional food and surrounded by aunts, uncles, cousins, parents and grandparents. You, however, will dine at the folding table that was pulled out of storage especially for the occasion, and sit on a wobbly stool that you’ve never seen in your life. While there most likely isn’t one of the infamous “kids’ tables” at your Friendsgiving, there’s more to worry about at a Turkey Day get-together than just seating.
First, no one needs to hear your grandma commenting on how your brother’s girlfriend is dressed, or your grandad mentioning politics between bites. The hierarchy rules at a family Thanksgiving, but young adulthood is the time to take advantage of it: little to no cooking is expected of you, but you’re also not going to sit around waiting to get your cheeks pinched by a family member you’ve never met.
While it’s more likely that there won’t be any snide comments toward you or your family if you’re at a Friendsgiving, that doesn’t mean there won’t be such comments toward others. “You’re going to talk about your other peers,” comments Maeby Baldwin, “but you and your extended uncle don’t have any peers, so you have to talk about something else.” In fact, most of the conversation at a Friendsgiving is just about the people who aren’t there. With your family, at least, one thing is sure: there’s love in every word.
Plus, who wants a glorified potluck? Maybe you do, but giving a title to the short-lived hangout where everyone does what they’d normally do at home is pushing it, even if it’s not meant to be the typical Thanksgiving. “If you have a family Thanksgiving, it’s longer. You’re going to be out visiting family, or family is going to be visiting you, so you’re with them 24/7. Friendsgiving? It’s going to last an hour,” says Baldwin.
Of course, hosting a Friendsgiving is the easier option, since there isn’t as much stress on the host to cook. Everyone can calm down and simply bring a dish that they can all share. There’s a variety, but take-out Thai and store-bought salad isn’t just nontraditional, it’s random. While it’s really low-effort overall, a Friendsgiving too easily becomes no effort.
Challenging tradition is definitely honorable, and I think that Friendsgivings have their merits, but saying that the typical get-together that just happens to be in November is considered Thanksgiving misses the whole point of the holiday. It’s a time to unite with your family, even your arrogant aunt, under common gratitude for each other and over a wonderful home-cooked meal.
