Growing up, according to my mother, I had always had a strange fascination with death. It wasn’t like I was always around death; in fact, I’ve only ever been to one funeral in my life, and I’m almost 23 years old. However, I was never scared of the idea of death; it was more like a feeling of wanting to know what it felt like, and what lies beyond.
I led a relatively boring and normal life; I had a kind boyfriend, good friends, and a stable life. I thought that I was happy, but I was soon proved wrong. Out of the blue, my said boyfriend decided that he had had enough and broke up with me, completely unprovoked. I had no idea what I had done wrong, and simply couldn’t figure out what to do now that I was alone.
My life completely changed when I met him on December 21, at 7:39 pm. I was out with a group of my friends ice skating in the middle of New York City. The large Christmas tree that blessed the eyes of thousands, shined bright lights of joy above us. The overwhelming feeling of joy could be felt through the atmosphere as the world joined together to celebrate the holiday. I wished for nothing more than to be happy along with everyone else, but due to my recent breakup, I couldn’t think of anything other than how lonely I would be this Christmas.
That was until I fell (literally) on my butt, in front of everyone. My friends neglected to realize that I had fallen and continued on, while I sat, embarrassed and alone. As I began to get myself standing again, a pale and skinny hand made its way in front of me. I stuck my hand out to grab the one in front of me and stood up. Patting the ice off of me, I slowly looked up. Before me was a lengthy figure, with skeleton-like qualities, dressed in jeans, a fitted black shirt, and a black flannel covering his arms. Then I saw his face. He was the most beautiful person I had ever seen, with slender, pale cheeks, and sunken green eyes that were partially covered by thick black hair that hung over his face. I stood in awe before the glowing stranger, and although I did not know him, I felt safe in his hand.
He smiled gently as we made eye contact, and I smiled back as he had the kindest eyes and most gentle features I had ever seen. I thanked him for helping me get up, and we skated together the rest of the night.
After our first interaction, we began to meet on the regular. Days turned into weeks, weeks into months, and before I knew it we had been together for nearly a year. The relationship that blossomed from our friendship was one I had never experienced before, he was so kind and caring, never once making me feel unwanted. He would surprise me every week with something new, whether it be flowers or a little gift. I was the happiest I had ever been, and every time we were out together, women would stare in jealousy as I clearly was with the most beautiful man on the street.
All this joy would soon be put on pause when he pulled me to the side one day. He told me he had something very important to tell me and that he needed me to understand that he was only telling me this because he had complete trust that I would not leave him. He asked me if I remembered the days when he would randomly leave and not return for hours at a time. He asked if I recalled how often I would find a dead rodent around the apartment, or even a pet out in the street.
What came next shook me to my core. He told me that he was different from everyone else, because he was Death. I didn’t understand at first, but suddenly his words became clear, and my lifelong fascination with Death became clear. I had fallen in love with Death himself. What really shook me was that he wasn’t gruesome and disgusting like everyone thought he would be. Rather, he was gentle, kind, and beautiful. He explained that death isn’t like what people imagine, and rather than killing things and taking them to death, he sets souls free from the torment of the living world. He is gentle with those whom he guides.
What people simply don’t seem to understand is that there truly is an unseen beauty in death.
