Friday, Feb. 20, marked the 10th annual National Muffin Day–also known as Muffintine’s Day. The holiday was originally founded by Jacob Kaufman and Julia Levy as a way to share muffins with those experiencing homelessness, but it has since turned much more sinister.
The downfall of Muffintine’s day began with its popularity. As more people learned about the holiday, more resources were required to sustain it. Bakeries began making more muffins. Flour suppliers doubled their production. Consumers surged into stores and devoured the baked goods section.
The scale of Muffintine’s Day is too large to manage. The people want too many muffins and businesses just can’t keep up. One major cause of the popularity of Muffintine’s Day is the widespread controversy over the best flavor. People can’t decide what flavor to get, so they get them all–resulting in a mass shortage.
However, this debate can be settled once and for all. A local journalism class sampled seven different muffin flavors: cinnamon, peaches and cream, lemon poppyseed, blueberry cheesecake, red velvet cheesecake, chocolate chip and bacon Nutella. The class anonymously voted for their favorite flavor and these were the results:
Red Velvet Cheesecake: 33% of the votes
Blueberry Cheesecake: 25% of the votes
Bacon and Nutella: 25% of the votes
Cinnamon: 8% of the votes
Peaches and Cream: 8% of the votes
By far, the most popular flavor was red velvet cheesecake. The rich flavor of the muffin complements the delicate cream cheese filling, creating a burst of perfect flavor. These red velvet muffins created a sugary craze that proved to be an intense distraction. Students were amped up, jittery and unable to concentrate for the rest of the day after eating so many muffins.
One student commented that the muffins made her “blood pressure spike to insanely high levels” because of how excited she was. The conclusion? Muffins are dangerous. Muffintine’s day has become a consumerist frenzy that has detrimental effects on the population.
Stores start selling Muffintine’s Day products in November, three months before the holiday itself. Some states are passing laws that make it legal to set off fireworks on Feb. 20, like on New Year’s Eve and the 4th of July. The Muffintines craze has gotten out of hand and it needs to be stopped. Holidays should not be glorified to the point of extreme consumerism and public health risks.
