The Raider Wire

“Thank You, Next” – How to X Out Your Ex

“Thank You, Next” – How to X Out Your Ex

Anna Goellner, Literary Magazine Editor

February 28, 2019


Filed under Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

Author’s Note: This piece is satirical. In reality, I suggest not handling break ups with casual distaste. You are dealing two hearts in a relationship, so breaking up can go terribly wrong or pretty decent. It is okay to want to break up with someone - it is expected and a natural part of growing ...

President Trump’s Twitter Account Has Officially Been Confiscated

President Trump’s Twitter Account Has Officially Been Confiscated

Kana Mullee, Staff Writer

January 31, 2019


Filed under Features, Showcase

On Thursday, Jan. 27, Twitter released a statement officially announcing that Donald Trump’s account had been removed and that he was banned from ever making an account on the social media outlet ever again. The reason given was that they were “done up with the president being mean and rude o...

Santa Quits Christmas This Year

Santa Quits Christmas This Year

Cynda Allen, Staff Writer

December 22, 2018


Filed under Features, Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

On Monday, Dec. 17, 2018, Saint Nicholas--commonly known as Santa Claus--stated that he would be quitting Christmas. At 2 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, Nicholas stood in front of his home at the North Pole, with millions of elves and reporters from all around the world watching. With a distressed look on his f...

McDonald’s Deposits $40 billion for Their New Location on the Moon

McDonald’s Deposits $40 billion for Their New Location on the Moon

Grace Wood, Sports Editor

December 3, 2018


Filed under Features, Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

McDonald’s, the beloved American fast food restaurant chain, has a total of 36,899 restaurants in 120 different countries, and the company is not done yet expanding their locations. In their new project, they are planning to build a McDonald’s on the moon. As if we have not destroyed our own planet e...

How to Win a Date in Six Easy Steps

How to Win a Date in Six Easy Steps

Anna Goellner, Staff Writer

April 18, 2018


Filed under Features, Showcase

It is that time of year again: paper hearts, melted chocolates and cheesy romance puns. Couples passionately make-out in the hallway and the kids around you have desks overflowing with pink and red cards. The love bug has started its persistent buzzing in the ears of naive, flirty teenagers. February...

NFHS DECA Projected to Become Fortune 500

NFHS DECA Projected to Become Fortune 500

Leilani Gibbons, Editor-in-Chief

October 19, 2017


Filed under Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

North Forsyth’s own DECA, a student marketing program, has been on a steep incline and is projected to become a fortune 500 company. The company’s ascent has been thanks to an increase in important numbers that measure market growth and show a tremendous rise in business. Beginning in January of...

Mount Rushmore Elected President

Mount Rushmore Elected President

Jack Scott, Staff Writer

January 5, 2017


Filed under Features, Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

In a surprise electoral upset, the American electorate seemingly became confused on Nov. 8 and voted en masse for Mount Rushmore. The mountain beat Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump by a large margin, winning 296 electoral votes to Trump’s 170 and Clinton’s 72. Rushmore did especially well in South...

Anti-Trump Protests Work, Hillary Now President-Elect

Anti-Trump Protests Work, Hillary Now President-Elect

Daniel Snodgrass, Staff Writer

November 15, 2016


Filed under Features, Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

In light of the numerous anti-Trump protests across America, both the Senate and the House of Representatives have unanimously voted to ignore the results of the recent election and make Hillary Clinton the new president –elect of the United States. When Donald Trump was voted the president-elect...

Can Your Rumba Take Over the World?

Can Your Rumba Take Over the World?

Diana Rodgers, Web Editor

October 25, 2016


Filed under Columns, Features

If someone were to ask if a Rumba could take over the world, it would be a common place to laugh back in their face, but in this day and age, we are approaching the things of science fiction nightmares-appliances communicating among each other. With new aged “smart” appliances being introduced your...

Dental Hygiene Freedom Controversy Bites North

Dental Hygiene Freedom Controversy Bites North

Daniel Snodgrass, Staff Writer

October 14, 2016


Filed under Features, Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

Parents are in an uproar over the newest addition to the North Forsyth High School staff, school dentist Dr. Amanda Spear, after Spear inquired multiple groups of students about their habits concerning the practice of brushing and flossing their teeth on a daily basis. Spear had been interrogating the...

Construction on Underground Nuclear Reactor Experiencing Delays

Construction on Underground Nuclear Reactor Experiencing Delays

Jack Scott, Staff Writer

September 16, 2016


Filed under Editor's Picks, Features, Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

Construction on the pool underneath the newest gym is wrapping up on schedule and Barton Malow is preparing to open it up to the public after fall break. However, not all is well in the world of North Forsyth construction. Continued delays and mismanagement have set back progress on the underground nuclear...

The Friday Jinx: Adventures in Africa

The Friday Jinx: Adventures in Africa

Owen Wickman, Staff Writer

January 14, 2016


Filed under Literature, Showcase

Documents recovered from the wreck of Sir Benedict Worcestershire Bloomingdales III, esquire’s ship, the HMS Dinghy, found in April gave readers and historians new insight into the Age of Exploration. The journal left by this previously unknown explorer portrayed Nubia as a landscape eerily similar ...

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