The Fight for Turkey Rights

It’s the season for giving thanks –Thanksgiving, if you will– and that means that the national debate on the validity of turkey independence is picking up steam once again. There are several small groups that advocate for the recognition of the independence of our feathered friends throughout the year, but in the month of November their voices are joined by those outraged by the treatment of poultry during the holiday season.

 

Since 2014, the organization called Tired and Woeful Idealists for Turkey Sovereignty (TWITS)  has been protesting outside the McCarran National airport in order to draw attention to the issue. 

 

“When the President makes a surprise trip to Area 51 and he comes out of those doors, he’ll see how badly we want it and be forced to listen,” said Harvey Coleslaw, gesturing to the airport doors,  “Now, some people think that a private jet would be more effective for Mr. President than a public plane, but if he puts on a fedora and fake mustache then nobody will be able to tell who he is. Tested and proved.”

 

It is rumored that over 500 people are participating in this year’s protest, though there is a stark divide in the methods. The groups can be divided into self-proclaimed “Actionists” and “Realists.” Despite what many news sources have said, the “Actionists” are generally those who march outside of local stores and farms while the “Realists” try to corner the President as he travels in national airports to different parts of the country.

 

“We demand to be heard,” Jannett Gourd commented, “If they can have a whole country in Europe just for Turkeys then we can recognize their rights in America.”

Every year, over 46 million turkeys are slaughtered for Thanksgiving, which can be categorized as a mass genocide for the purposes of human consumption.

 

“It’s almost cannibalism, really,” says John Poultry, who owns a farm where he cares for the birds, “When you wake up and they’re sitting on your chest, looking you in the eye, you can’t deny that there’s a human-like soul inside of them… heck, I wouldn’t be surprised if any of them cured cancer. They’re just that intelligent.”

 

With luck, the protests will receive national news coverage and people all throughout the United States will understand the impact of their careless consumption of turkeys. You can do your part by opting for a hamburger or chicken breast instead of a turkey this year. Spread the word in order to save the lives of many innocent birds and stop the mass slaughter of these majestic creatures.