Pollen’s Political Endeavors
Pollen’s platform is often used for expressing political views and also general opinions about cuisine (it all sucks). (Photo by Emma Simmons)
Pollen season is one season that many Americans await with anxious anticipation. Each spring brings an increase in the number of pollen particles floating through the air, which tends to irritate the immune systems of the weaker members of the population. Though who can blame them when it goes everywhere and anywhere with access to the outdoors? But this year, pollen decided to go somewhere it has never ventured before: Pollen is getting into politics.
It announced its intention to run in January, but the concept only began to gain traction after the famous YouTuber “WixilPlays” posted a video with Pollen communicating with the YouTuber.
Pollen recently made itself known as a mass organism with a single hive mind, which means that every speck of pollen is part of the larger entity of Pollen itself. This collective identity is the initial reason for it pursuing political office. Pollen advocates for the recognition of itself as a mass structure, as well as other beings such as fungi and bacteria.
“We’re tired of being undervalued,” Pollen said in an interview with Microbiome Weekly. “We demand to be noticed and accepted as the structure that we are.”
Along with this stance, Pollen also advocates for the quarantine and eventual extermination of allergy-havers.
“If people can’t even stand to be around us, then they don’t deserve to be around at all,” Pollen Tweeted. This post was met with much backlash from the allergy community. It was taken down shortly after due to an abundance of fairy emojis in the comments, but Pollen stands by the sentiment.
“It’s not my fault that pollen makes my eyes swell,” Roze Bush stated. A local mother of seven, she states that she “doesn’t mind” if her children inherit seasonal allergies. She also says that the only point that could possibly lead her to support Pollen in the upcoming election is its views on climate change.
“I’m sick and tired of humanity being wishy-washy about climate change. Either commit to going green or destroy the earth completely. The suspense is worse than the pollution,” Pollen said on its podcast, “Get Political with Pollen.”
Pollen is already beginning its campaigns, which only foretells an intense election season. Only time will tell whether it can win over the American people and take the position of executive power in 2024.
Hey, guys! My name is Emma Simmons, and I am Sarah’s other half and Co-Editor. This is my fourth and final year of journalism, so everyone is in for...