Rocks may be the most fascinating entities ever seen on the planet. 100% of the people that the Friday Lynx interviewed revealed that they took an interest in rocks, pebbles, and other geologic entities. One of the interviewees expressed an interest that was not any basic, mundane interest in rocks. No, the interviewee proclaimed an undying love and trust for rocks. For hours on end he discussed the importance of rocks to the common man, read his 30 stone tablet long thesis on the glory of rocks and their benefit to society. According to his research, rocks may just be the key to the future.

“After all,” he argues, “there was a time in history called the Stone Age, and it lasted longer than any other age in history. This fact obviously shows how invaluable rocks were to humanity and still should be.” The interviewee, who wishes to remain anonymous in fear of being stoned to death, currently resides in a stone shack down by a river where he studies the curvature of stones and judges their quality.

Perhaps his science is not completely out of the question, though. Recently, scientists have finally unearthed a fully intact rock, a feat that has never before been accomplished in human history. This amazingly preserved specimen, “could reveal what rocks millions of years ago looked like,” and “provide an insight into whether a geological link existed between rocks, pebbles, and boulders.”

Also in the news for “being stoned,” American singer/songwriter Calvin Cordozar Broadus Jr. who is better known by his stage name Snoop Dogg, was recently arrested for 420 counts of marijuana possession. The public speculates that this arrest is more of a publicity stunt for his upcoming album Bush, set for release this month.

Speaking of rocks, Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson recently released an exclusive trailer for Speedy & Irate 8, the next in his smash hit movie series “Fast & Furious.” The Friday Lynx was given access to said trailer, and it is available for viewing here.