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Owen Wickman

Owen Wickman, Staff Writer

Owen Wickman is an interesting creature who roams the halls of North Forsyth. The government will not allow him to do otherwise. *Sounds of flipping tables and muffled gunshots* Owen Wickman has been relocated to the Ministry of Love for rehabilitation. Owen Wickman loves Big Brother. He does not enjoy creating satirical content within his writing and photography. Video games do not sit high on his of list of favorite activities. The Ministry of Love, Owen’s favorite ministry, is now accepting applications. You can visit them in Room 101, or online at https://www.illuminatiofficial.org/join-the-illuminati/join, but make sure you ask your parent’s permission before going online.

All content by Owen Wickman
This face is one of pure hatred toward all life. “I’m not mean, ok? I just hate everyone,” says Tay the AI.

Microsoft Unleashes Genocidal Robot on Twitter

Owen Wickman, Staff Writer
May 11, 2016
No paintings regarding this adventure have surfaced, but artists have rendered images of what they believe Bloomingdales was attempting to portray.

The Friday Jinx: Adventures in Africa

Owen Wickman, Staff Writer
January 14, 2016
Lake Megalodon may have appeared to have shrunk is size, but do not be fooled. The lake is bottomless and contains a deadly prehistoric creature. “Yee. That thing will tear out ya innards through ya bum hole,” says local fisherman Horace Greely, inspecting his broken rod.

Megalodon Sighted at North Forsyth

Owen Wickman, Staff Writer
December 10, 2015
Wikipedia as gotten a bad rap over the years. Some information on the site may be more honest and accurate than one might think.

Wikipedia and Credibility

Owen Wickman, Staff Writer
November 19, 2015
An artist’s rendition of what North’s new pool will look like. The resemblance to Georgia Tech will be uncanny (Photo Credit to Jack Dalmolin)

Construction of North’s New Pool Proceeding Well

Owen Wickman, Staff Writer
September 2, 2015
Dr. Lynx, who has previously debuted on the Friday Lynx as a doctorate lynx of great experience, intensively inspects a glorious specimen of rock he uncovered in the field. “Meow,” he says, when asked about the quality of the geologic marvel.

Friday Lynx: Rock the Casbah

Owen Wickman, Staff Writer
May 7, 2015
Among the documents salvaged from Bloomingdales’ ship, the HMS Dinghy, many paintings of his adventures adorn the captains’ quarters. Somehow they managed not to be spoiled by the water, and experts are studying them carefully as to discern any hidden meanings. This particular painting appears to depict Bloomingdales’ time in Egypt.

The Friday Sphinx

Owen Wickman, Staff Writer
April 28, 2015
Tony Abbott of Australia embraces his true identity as a master of Call of Duty. He has risen in the ranks of FaZe Clan and is widely recognized as the most MLG quickscoper in the leauge.

Montage Parodies: Best Genre of Video on the Internet

Owen Wickman, Staff Writer
March 17, 2015
Part of the boys team poses at the podium after the state finals.

Record-Setting Performance by the Raider Swim Team at State

Jack Dalmolin and Owen Wickman
February 27, 2015
The Ottoman flag hangs behind Sultan Erdogan, dressed in classic Ottoman royal attire, as he makes the announcement of his status as absolute monarch at the Hagia Sophia in Istanbul. Many historical Ottoman Sultans wore oversized turbans that some have compared to onions. “Anyone who compares the Holy Turban to an onion in the Neo-Ottoman Empire shall be stoned to death,” Erdogan mentioned when asked about the comparison.

Flatline: Recep Tayyip Erdogan Declares Neo-Ottoman Empire

Jack Scott and Owen Wickman
January 27, 2015
Senior Kyle Ellis proudly displays his trophy after his state victory.

Kyle Ellis: First Mountain Biking Georgia State Champion

Owen Wickman, Staff Writer
December 5, 2014
Some lynxes take things far too literally. In an effort to raise awareness for the sea and lynxes, this particular lynx has taken the initiative to become a rare snorkeling lynx exploring under a “c.”

FLATLINE: Friday Lynx: Under the Sea

Owen Wickman, Staff Writer
November 11, 2014
A satellite photograph reveals that the layout of the school campuses of the North Forsyth elementary, middle, and high schools are distinctly triangular, just like the most common symbol used by the Illuminati. Thus further insight is provided towards proving the existence of the Illuminati within the Forsyth County School. Screenshot from Google Earth

(RAIDER FLATLINE) Illuminati Conspiracy Discovered at North Forsyth

Owen Wickman, Staff Writer
November 4, 2014
Lynxes are not supposed to be in space. However, these two lynxes have decided to defy conventional laws of nature.

Friday Lynx: Space Edition

Owen Wickman, Staff Writer
May 19, 2014
Dr Lynx, M.D. prepares to perform some science. Dr. Lynx is qualified in gynecology and the physics of moving bricks. He attended school at the University of Mom’s Basement for two years and the University of Tomatoes for another eight.

Friday Lynx: Recent Studies Show…

Owen Wickman, Staff Writer
May 16, 2014
The benevolent emperor, Walt Disney, has bestowed upon you the gift of glorious animated films.

The Empire of Disney

Owen Wickman, Staff Writer
May 15, 2014
North Named A “RAMP” School by ASCA

North Named A “RAMP” School by ASCA

Owen Wickman, Staff Writer
February 4, 2014
Mowing the lawn is a common task around the neighborhood. Can you imagine being stopped by police for mowing a lawn? Lawnmower guy can.

Lawnmower Guy: Stopped for Doing a Good Deed

Owen Wickman, Staff Writer
November 12, 2013
Looting food is a crucial part of survival, but resisting the urge to take everything and shove it in a backpack is necessary. You don’t have room to be taking all the things.

How to Prepare For the Onslaught of Zombies

Owen Wickman, Staff Writer
September 24, 2013
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