FLATLINE: Friday Lynx: Under the Sea


Some lynxes take things far too literally. In an effort to raise awareness for the sea and lynxes, this particular lynx has taken the initiative to become a rare snorkeling lynx exploring under a “c.”

Owen Wickman, Staff Writer

Lynxes and oceans, two very different entities, both suffer from a common ailment: underrepresentation from the media. Lynxes frolic through snow covered forests and oceans do ocean-y things, but rarely are these adventures documented and reported on. The Friday Lynx is here to change that, and intends to bring the world spectacular coverage of action packed ocean news, while also promoting lynxes as the most dominant species on planet Earth.

Recently, scientists have announced “bold plans” to map the 110 square miles of trash currently unexplored on the ocean floor. Jane Lubchenco, a representative from the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA), stated,

“It may be ambitious, but we hope to eventually define the contours of every square inch of the plastic and metal debris at the bottom of the world’s oceans…frankly, we know more about the garbage in our solar system than our own deep-sea litter.”

Happenings under the sea are not only limited to science; they also include drama. An asexually reproduced sea sponge, who wishes to remain unnamed, worries that she is turning into herself. She said precious little else, but her worry about becoming herself sparks many intriguing questions, such as “Who cares?”

Above the water, tourism is booming as Boston Cruise Line Harbor Excursions announces what they describe as an “unforgettable” opportunity to get in close proximity to with local ocean wildlife. The new whale ramming tours involve the 45 foot, diesel powered tour boats “relentlessly bashing the majestic animals at speeds up to 45 miles per hour,” as said by Captain Richard McDermott. Every morning at nine o’ clock during the peak whale ramming months of March through October, the boats depart from Boston Harbor and seek to plow into the graceful creatures with their steel reinforced hulls. Captain McDermott also claims,

“Witnessing violent high-speed collisions with these awe-inspiring creatures is an experience like no other.”

Also relating to motorized vehicles and the sea, a Californian mother from Walnut Creek has come out and explained to the media that her daily spin class is the only thing keeping her from driving a car filled with her kids into the Pacific Ocean. The mother, Karen Madison, claims,

“I’m stuck in this house all day long, and I swear, if I don’t have my five o’clock spinning session, I will load the kids into the van and drive it straight off a dock.”

This outlet from life gives her the opportunity she needs to stop herself from plunging into the depths of the Pacific with her children in the car, and should be used as a model for mothers across the US.