All Hail Yeezus


This poster is what Kanye said is just a simple blur on what he expects his campaign poster to resemble. August 30, 2015 was also marked as the beginning of the end of the world.

Kayla Salemi, Opinion Editor

All hail Yeezus!

America you better start getting used to praying to our all mighty lord, Kanye West. As of August 30, 2015, after the duration of a twelve minute long speech, in which he clearly stated, “I’m not no politician, bruh,” Kanye West concluded with the announcement of his campaign for presidency in the upcoming 2020 election. In other words, the Illuminati is going to take over the world.

Kim Kardashian is ecstatic to be in the running for first lady; that is if she does not divorce Kan — I mean Yeezus — adding him to the ever growing list of divorcees.

Previous to doing extensive research on Kanye West’s presidency, I came across the official Twitter account of the Democratic Party. Later the next day the Democratic Party tweeted, “Last night @kanyewest, declared his candidacy for president in 2020. Welcome to the race, Mr. West. Glad to have you.”

I knew there was something wrong with the Tweet, and then it clicked. After hours of decoding, I’ve finally discovered what the real message was truly stating, “Last night @kanyewest, declared his dictation for leadership in 2020. Welcome to the Illuminati council. Glad to have your soul.”

Slowly, I backed up from my notebook. I finally cracked the code behind the secret system of the Illuminati. After several seconds of just staring off into space, a question wedged its way into my mind: Why does Kanye want to be called Yeezus? For some odd reason I found myself counting the letters of Kany- Err…  Yeezus’s name and added an “O” for his middle name, only to find out the real reason he added “Yeezus” to his name. Kanye O “Yeezus” West (16 letters) = Illuminati Leader (16 letters). I used the same decoding method on Kim. Not to my surprise, Kimberly Noel Kardashian decoded to say “Illuminati Leader’s Wifey.”

In spite of this great discovery I heavily encourage one to vote for Yeezus, because anyone is better than Barack Obama. Word is out that West is trying to find a Vice President… (Ray J anyone?)

If this happens to be my last story just know that a Barack Obama and/or Illuminati chairman is most likely behind my disappearance.