Do You Have a Bugatti or Nah?


Sarah Treusch

They woke up in a new Bugatti, and look at them! They are so happy!

Waking up in a new Bugatti is the best way to start your day. Some argue that you should rise early, think positively and meditate, but you wouldn’t wake up in a new Bugatti. How could that be better than waking up in a new Bugatti? Maybe Justin Bieber would actually love Hailey Bieber if she woke up in a new Bugatti? I bet Selena Gomez has a new Bugatti.


Think about it, if you were homeless and lived in your car, what car would you want to wake up in? Would you want to wake up in a Kia Soul? Of course not, you’re not a hamster, or are you? Would you want to wake up in a busted, musty, Honda Pilot named ‘Greta’ parked in E Lot? Not unless your name is sophomore Emerson Streit. “A skunk died in the engine…or a rat, but it smelled really bad. Then, we drove it to the beach, and a deer hit it. I also hit a car in E lot,” said Streit. 


During this tragic non-Bugatti car accident, sophomore Emmy DeRose was in the shotgun of Greta. “I am against having a Bugatti because the soul-touching trauma bond I have with Emerson is rooted from that car accident. One time, we hydroplaned together, but you can’t hydroplane in a Bugatti. That was a core memory in our friendship, so Emerson can’t have a Bugatti because we wouldn’t be friends,” said DeRose as a single tear dropped down her cheek. Streit added, “We’d probably crash a Bugatti listening to Yeet.” Would you want to wake up in a new Bugatti? Yes, you would because that is the superior option. Bugatti’s are the heart and soul of starting your day off on the right foot. 


Every time you’ve woken up on the wrong side of the bed, where were you? I think it’s pretty safe to say, you weren’t in a new Bugatti. “One time, I woke up in a new Bugatti, and it was like I was walking on sunshine. I literally solved world hunger,” said sophomore Emily Dobash. Had Dobash never woke up in a new Bugatti, then there would be starving people in Africa still. Do you want the people in Africa to starve? Dobash doesn’t. 


Why feel not slay when you could feel slay…in a new Bugatti? You would have so many friends, and everyone would laugh at your jokes. You would be so successful everyday waking up in your new Bugatti.