The Raider Wire

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“I grin at him and toss the magazine onto his face. The cover has a picture of Angelina Jolie, and before I can read the gossip that has about a half-chance of being true, he groans and tosses it onto the floor. He crawls onto the couch, his left arm stretched across the back of it, and he smiles a Cheshire-cat grin at me.”

A Conversation about a Hostage Situation

Ashton Bruce, Staff Writer March 9, 2015

“I had a dream about you last night.” “What about?” It’s a question, but the way he says it makes it sound more like a statement. His voice is garbled, due to the way he uses his mouth like...

This is a photograph of a cat named Mittens. Her photo was taken by her owner, Emma Franklin.  Thank you, Emma. As you may have noticed, Mittens is adorable ball of fur, and thus, it is mandatory as a farer of the internet to give her your undivided attention. An accompanying ‘aw’ is optional, but highly encouraged. Now, poor Mittens is at risk. You see, every time you scroll further down to a story about a man named Thomas, you make a kitten cry. And when a kitten cries, the world cries with it. And when the world cries with it, the very order of our carefully crafted society starts to fall into depressed ruin. And when society falls into depressed ruin, all the cats in the world will band together to form a new feline-dictatorship, with Mittens as supreme-master president/dictator.

The Button Part 2

Colin Bergen, Staff Writer January 29, 2015

Hello, and welcome to part two. In this part, you will continue the story that was first laid out in part one. If you have not read part one, then obviously you made a mistake in coming here.  Shame on...

“The note said “ever” four times. Now Thomas knew this was serious. This button, simple as it may appear, was dangerous”

The Button: Part One

Colin Bergen, Staff Writer December 15, 2014

So. Where to begin? Or, perhaps a better question: why are you here? No. I’m serious. Why are you here? You don’t have to answer me. I can’t hear you, after all. I’m just a piece of paper,...

FLATLINE: NFL Joins the Violence-Free Animal Lover’s Club

FLATLINE: NFL Joins the Violence-Free Animal Lover’s Club

Brandon Moss, Web Editor November 11, 2014

Due to recent cases of abusive National Football League (NFL) players such as Adrian Peterson and Ray Rice, the NFL has decided to join forces with the Animal Lover’s Club, an anti-violence organization...

Rosemarie crouched down and readied her camera to take a picture of the loving mother penguin and her egg…

Death by Penguin

Noelle Walker, Staff Writer March 14, 2014

Rosemarie Keough had decided to get up close and personal with a penguin at her local aquarium. She was writing an article for The Gazette on the aquarium’s mother penguin and her egg, and she had wanted...

With a little effort you can go from this to THIS.

Teen Girl Magazine Parody

Emma Franklin, News Editor February 25, 2014

Hey ladies, Even though you are perfect just the way you are, you are doing everything wrong, and your life is a mess. Here are some helpful tips from our assembly of non-experts on everything from...

Looting food is a crucial part of survival, but resisting the urge to take everything and shove it in a backpack is necessary. You don’t have room to be taking all the things.

How to Prepare For the Onslaught of Zombies

Owen Wickman, Staff Writer September 24, 2013

What a day! You failed two tests, forgot your homework, found out that the girl you like is going to prom with your best friend, and failed your driving test. AGAIN. This day couldn’t get any worse,...

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