Teen Girl Magazine Parody


Photo by Emma Franklin

With a little effort you can go from this to THIS.

Hey ladies,

Even though you are perfect just the way you are, you are doing everything wrong, and your life is a mess. Here are some helpful tips from our assembly of non-experts on everything from weight loss and workout tips to boys.

Losing weight is hard but here are some things to keep the weight off. First, only eat extremely small meals. Did you know that a bowl of plain pasta has enough calories to make you last the entire day? Crunches will totally give you killer abs, so whenever you can just do a ton of crunches. If you are not sweating, you are not trying. Work out until you sweat, even if you have reached the passing-out point. No pain no gain. Feel the burn, and if you do not feel like a bus hit you afterward, obviously you did not work out hard enough. Remember the scale never lies, and even though you are perfect, if you do not drop ten pounds in a week no one will love you.

Boys are hard to figure out. They say they want you but the next day they ignore you. If you are one of the lucky ones to have a boyfriend, he comes with all kinds of questions about sex, love, and cheating. Love is a wonderful thing except when it is not. Boys only want you physically. If you are not ready do not do it, but be prepared for the ramifications. Boys will cheat if they do not get what they want out of a relationship.

How to tell if they are cheating: if he starts looking better, if he does not give you every minute detail of his day, or having a strange need for privacy, he is definitely cheating. If you notice any of these signs dump him right away, but remember you are a failure of a woman until you have the love of a man. Love is as important as water .

So, there are our tips on how to live life, and if you do not follow them, or they were not helpful then obviously you are a failure as a girl.