Dr. James Krumm Opens Senioritis Clinic to Fight Tragic Disease


For more information or to book an appointment, visit www.thesenioritisclinic.gov or call 1-800-SENIORITIS.

Morgan Champion, Poetry Editor

Throughout history, high school seniors have been deemed as lazy slackers who, after a grueling four years, don’t seem to care about their education and are merely awaiting the day when they march across a stage and receive their diplomas. This mindset, known creatively as “senioritis,” affects millions of students every day, and sadly, there has been nothing—not one prescription or doctor’s note—to relieve victims of its symptoms. Instead, innocent teenagers have been forced to own up to the consequences of their illness. It wasn’t until the 2016-2017 school year that Dr. James Krumm decided to make a change to this unfortunate circumstance.

Since August, Dr. Krumm has been managing and operating his “Senioritis Clinic.” Located in Kemp Ave., Toronto, this establishment aims to eliminate this dreadful disease in not only high school seniors, but also in kids and teenagers of all ages. “For too long, parents, teachers, and health professionals have denied the long term effects of Senioritis on the mind,” claims Dr. Krumm, “this condition is a real issue, and to truly make an impact on the next generation, we must start early.”

The Senioritis Clinic offers treatment to children as young as high school freshman, and its employees are working to come up with an easy, affordable, and painless medication to fight this condition for a lifetime. As for current high school seniors though, treatment plans include official school excuse notes, homework passes, and a complimentary “How to Survive Seven AP Classes, Maintain a Job, Apply to College, Ace the SATs, and Still Have a Social Life” manual, as well as procrastination guides, which are designed to assist students in daunting tasks such as cramming for an exam or writing an entire paper as soon as five minutes before it is due. The clinic is also looking to establish its own private school for its most affected patients. Although their “Senioritis Academy” will only meet one hour per week, it will offer specialized educational and healthcare opportunities that meet the needs of every student and send them off the college knowing that they have a bright future ahead of them.

For the reasonable price of only $5,000, children, teens, or adults can schedule a consultation with one of the clinic’s highly trained specialists and receive the treatment they deserve. For more information or to book an appointment, visit www.thesenioritisclinic.gov or call 1-800-SENIORITIS.