The Raider Wire

Limericks: A Lost Art

: Poet, Erin Dickman, Throws her notebook in a bout of artistic frustration. Coming up with the right rhyme is hard work.

Samuel Perryman, Prose Editor

May 8, 2015

There once was a poet named Fred Who thought, “All the great poets are dead.” So with his own knife, He took his own life, And now all his poems are read.   John Smith was a man with a boat. He sailed with his first mate: a goat. “Take the helm,” John asked, But...

A Conversation about a Hostage Situation

“I grin at him and toss the magazine onto his face. The cover has a picture of Angelina Jolie, and before I can read the gossip that has about a half-chance of being true, he groans and tosses it onto the floor. He crawls onto the couch, his left arm stretched across the back of it, and he smiles a Cheshire-cat grin at me.”

Ashton Bruce, Staff Writer

March 9, 2015

“I had a dream about you last night.” “What about?” It’s a question, but the way he says it makes it sound more like a statement. His voice is garbled, due to the way he uses his mouth like a garbage disposal, shoveling handfuls of chips into his face and chewing them without ever really...

Friday Lynx: Recent Studies Show…

Dr Lynx, M.D. prepares to perform some science. Dr. Lynx is qualified in gynecology and the physics of moving bricks. He attended school at the University of Mom’s Basement for two years and the University of Tomatoes for another eight.

Owen Wickman, Staff Writer

May 16, 2014

In a recent study published in The American Journal of Criminal Psychology has revealed that almost every serial killer in American history was at one point denied the purchase of a new toy when they were young. This startling new information about origins of serial killers may prompt a push for large ...

The Morally Ambiguous Chronicle of Billy Cheesecakes

Billy Cheesecakes's favorite animal was the unicorn. He would ride the beast through Jeruslalem and other cities as he commited his ethically dubious acts. Billy Cheesecakes's unicorn was known as the fastest mount in all of the Middle East.

Jack Scott, Staff Writer

January 24, 2014

The knights of Mordor Great Candyland were valiant slaughterers, addicted to the concept of death grand and noble men, who fought bravely for Mordor Candyland. They rode their demonhounds rainbow-barfing unicorns into combat, deathly pitchfork friendship lance in hand. They were prepared to do anything to defend thei...

Citizen Contributes Observations on the Weather

One image perfectly captures the human being's surprise.

Brandon Moss, Sports Editor

January 16, 2014

Recently, on Fox News Channel, political rants ceased for an hour long report on the weather, where Rea Pete, a young woman in Georgia, gave us some insightful observations. “Yeah it’s definitely colder than last year,” Rea told us. “I mean, it’s really cold.” There have been report...

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