The student news site of North Forsyth High School

The Raider Wire

All Hail Yeezus

All Hail Yeezus

Kayla Salemi, Opinion Editor
September 18, 2015 • 445 views
Filed under Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

All hail Yeezus! America you better start getting used to praying to our all mighty lord, Kanye West. As of August 30, 2015, after the duration of a twelve minute long speech, in which he clearly stated, “I’m not no politician, bruh,” Kanye West concluded with the announcement of his campaign...

Niall Horan Acknowledges Band Breakup Rumors as True

Niall Horan Acknowledges Band Breakup Rumors as True

Noelle Walker, Arts and Entertainment Editor
September 18, 2015 • 390 views
Filed under Features, Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

As of yesterday, One Direction band member Niall Horan announced that his band of five years was indeed breaking up. “I thought it was about time we told our fans the truth,” Horan said, “they deserve that much, after the chance they took on us at the beginning of our career.” Meanwhile,...

Construction of North’s New Pool Proceeding Well

Construction of North’s New Pool Proceeding Well

Owen Wickman, Staff Writer
September 2, 2015 • 455 views
Filed under Features, Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

North Forsyth’s Raider Swim Team is receiving some sweet new upgrades this year. Thanks to generous funding from the Forsyth County Board of Education, North Forsyth High School decided to undertake an ambitious project: to finally give the Raider Swim Team its own facility. Rumors have been flying...

Paranoia for the Survivalist: The Not-so Natural Disaster

Paranoia for the Survivalist: The Not-so Natural Disaster

Noelle Walker, Facebook Admin
May 11, 2015 • 442 views
Filed under Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

How to Survive a Horror Movie Everyone who has ever seen a horror movie has a good idea of the do’s and don’ts. For example: do not split up. If this advice is not followed, then at least half of the group is dead. It is inevitable. Following that last statement, do not go anywhere alon...

Friday Lynx: Rock the Casbah

Friday Lynx: Rock the Casbah

Owen Wickman, Staff Writer
May 7, 2015 • 398 views
Filed under Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

Rocks may be the most fascinating entities ever seen on the planet. 100% of the people that the Friday Lynx interviewed revealed that they took an interest in rocks, pebbles, and other geologic entities. One of the interviewees expressed an interest that was not any basic, mundane interest in rocks....

Friday Lynx: The Cutest Conspiracy Ever.

Friday Lynx: The Cutest Conspiracy Ever.

Colin Bergen, Staff Writer
May 5, 2015 • 387 views
Filed under Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

Ladies and gentlemen, it is my grave duty to inform you that we, the law-abiding public, have been deceived. We have been deceived right from the very beginning, by no less than our greatest enemy. No, I am not talking about terrorism, or communism, or even the vast underground space-lizard conspiracy...

The Friday Sphinx

The Friday Sphinx

Owen Wickman, Staff Writer
April 28, 2015 • 426 views
Filed under Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

Recent findings of historical documents dating from the early Age of Exploration offer new insight into the European documentation of the New World. These documents were uncovered from a shipwreck discovered last week off the coast of an unnamed island in the south of the Arctic sea. The HMS Dinghy,...

An Interview on Prom with the Most Unqualified Person Imaginable

An Interview on Prom with the Most Unqualified Person Imaginable

Rayne Crivelli, Staff Writer
April 28, 2015 • 1,559 views
Filed under Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

This past week, I was lucky enough to sit down with senior Justin Ebert for an interview about prom. As we all know, Ebert was North’s Junior Class President last year, meaning he was the head of prom committee. He and the other junior class officers helped make prom a magical night, with a theme everyone...

Flatline: Recep Tayyip Erdogan Declares Neo-Ottoman Empire

Flatline: Recep Tayyip Erdogan Declares Neo-Ottoman Empire

Jack Scott and Owen Wickman
January 27, 2015 • 937 views
Filed under Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

Recep Tayyip Erdogan, former president of Turkey, has declared himself Absolute Galactic Grand Sultan and Caesar of the Glorious and Unassailable Neo-Ottoman Empire, or, in short, The Sultan of Turkey. Following revelations of brilliance that thwarted an Armenian-Communist-Freemason-Jewish-Illuminati-American...

Beekeeper’s Guide to the Galaxy: How to Punch Bees

Beekeeper’s Guide to the Galaxy: How to Punch Bees

Ashton Bruce and Megan Hoffman
December 1, 2014 • 602 views
Filed under Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

Have you ever had pesky bees lingering around your rose bushes acting like they have business being there? Have you ever had bees in tiny suits minding their own business in your backyard and just had the urge to punch them out? Have you ever had a self-righteous bee punch you out? You are in luck. Wh...

FLATLINE: NFL Joins the Violence-Free Animal Lover’s Club

FLATLINE: NFL Joins the Violence-Free Animal Lover’s Club

Brandon Moss, Web Editor
November 11, 2014 • 391 views
Filed under Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

Due to recent cases of abusive National Football League (NFL) players such as Adrian Peterson and Ray Rice, the NFL has decided to join forces with the Animal Lover’s Club, an anti-violence organization formed by former Falcon’s quarterback, Michael Vick. Through this group, puppies and kittens as ...

FLATLINE: Friday Lynx: Under the Sea

FLATLINE: Friday Lynx: Under the Sea

Owen Wickman, Staff Writer
November 11, 2014 • 469 views
Filed under Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

Lynxes and oceans, two very different entities, both suffer from a common ailment: underrepresentation from the media. Lynxes frolic through snow covered forests and oceans do ocean-y things, but rarely are these adventures documented and reported on. The Friday Lynx is here to change that, and intends...

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The Raider Flatline (North’s Satirical News)