The Raider Wire

Megalodon Sighted at North Forsyth

Megalodon Sighted at North Forsyth

Owen Wickman, Staff Writer

December 10, 2015


Filed under Features, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

Torrential rains in Forsyth County over the past few weeks have certainly dampened shoes, attitudes, and the backpacks of anyone trying to walk outside between classes, but few people are aware of the menace these rains have created. Massive lakes have begun forming around North Forsyth High School,...

Barack Obama Announces 2016 Campaign Run

Barack Obama Announces 2016 Campaign Run

Jack Scott, Staff Writer

September 21, 2015


Filed under Features, Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

President Barack Obama announced on September 18th that he will be running for another term as president in 2016. During a 2 hour long speech, President Obama declared “I am officially in the race, not as a Democrat, but as an Independent. For eight years, I have been constrained and defined by my part...

All Hail Yeezus

All Hail Yeezus

Kayla Salemi, Opinion Editor

September 18, 2015


Filed under Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

All hail Yeezus! America you better start getting used to praying to our all mighty lord, Kanye West. As of August 30, 2015, after the duration of a twelve minute long speech, in which he clearly stated, “I’m not no politician, bruh,” Kanye West concluded with the announcement of his campaign...

Niall Horan Acknowledges Band Breakup Rumors as True

Niall Horan Acknowledges Band Breakup Rumors as True

Noelle Walker, Arts and Entertainment Editor

September 18, 2015


Filed under Features, Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

As of yesterday, One Direction band member Niall Horan announced that his band of five years was indeed breaking up. “I thought it was about time we told our fans the truth,” Horan said, “they deserve that much, after the chance they took on us at the beginning of our career.” Meanwhile,...

Construction of North’s New Pool Proceeding Well

Construction of North’s New Pool Proceeding Well

Owen Wickman, Staff Writer

September 2, 2015


Filed under Features, Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

North Forsyth’s Raider Swim Team is receiving some sweet new upgrades this year. Thanks to generous funding from the Forsyth County Board of Education, North Forsyth High School decided to undertake an ambitious project: to finally give the Raider Swim Team its own facility. Rumors have been flying...

Paranoia for the Survivalist: The Not-so Natural Disaster

Paranoia for the Survivalist: The Not-so Natural Disaster

Noelle Walker, Facebook Admin

May 11, 2015


Filed under Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

How to Survive a Horror Movie Everyone who has ever seen a horror movie has a good idea of the do’s and don’ts. For example: do not split up. If this advice is not followed, then at least half of the group is dead. It is inevitable. Following that last statement, do not go anywhere alon...

Friday Lynx: Rock the Casbah

Friday Lynx: Rock the Casbah

Owen Wickman, Staff Writer

May 7, 2015


Filed under Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

Rocks may be the most fascinating entities ever seen on the planet. 100% of the people that the Friday Lynx interviewed revealed that they took an interest in rocks, pebbles, and other geologic entities. One of the interviewees expressed an interest that was not any basic, mundane interest in rocks....

Friday Lynx: The Cutest Conspiracy Ever.

Friday Lynx: The Cutest Conspiracy Ever.

Colin Bergen, Staff Writer

May 5, 2015


Filed under Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

Ladies and gentlemen, it is my grave duty to inform you that we, the law-abiding public, have been deceived. We have been deceived right from the very beginning, by no less than our greatest enemy. No, I am not talking about terrorism, or communism, or even the vast underground space-lizard conspiracy...

The Friday Sphinx

The Friday Sphinx

Owen Wickman, Staff Writer

April 28, 2015


Filed under Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

Recent findings of historical documents dating from the early Age of Exploration offer new insight into the European documentation of the New World. These documents were uncovered from a shipwreck discovered last week off the coast of an unnamed island in the south of the Arctic sea. The HMS Dinghy,...

An Interview on Prom with the Most Unqualified Person Imaginable

An Interview on Prom with the Most Unqualified Person Imaginable

Rayne Crivelli, Staff Writer

April 28, 2015


Filed under Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

This past week, I was lucky enough to sit down with senior Justin Ebert for an interview about prom. As we all know, Ebert was North’s Junior Class President last year, meaning he was the head of prom committee. He and the other junior class officers helped make prom a magical night, with a theme everyone...

Flatline: Recep Tayyip Erdogan Declares Neo-Ottoman Empire

Flatline: Recep Tayyip Erdogan Declares Neo-Ottoman Empire

Jack Scott and Owen Wickman

January 27, 2015


Filed under Showcase, The Raider Flatline (North's Satirical News)

Recep Tayyip Erdogan, former president of Turkey, has declared himself Absolute Galactic Grand Sultan and Caesar of the Glorious and Unassailable Neo-Ottoman Empire, or, in short, The Sultan of Turkey. Following revelations of brilliance that thwarted an Armenian-Communist-Freemason-Jewish-Illuminati-American...

The student news site of North Forsyth High School
The Raider Flatline (North’s Satirical News)